I made an art piece. The first one in a while. In order to do this, I joined an art group that meets Sundays at 11am.
The assignment instructions were to capture the movement of the flame on a candle. My original intent was to draw the above work as a form of practice before, drawing a time-lapse video that shows a birthday cake candle burning and melting - since my birthday is coming up. Well, I didn’t get to do that, which is fine. This drawing was done with a hard piece of vine charcoal and a kneaded eraser. I got the image from a YouTube video of a candle burning.
This was a meaningful accomplishment. I pointed out that I made an art piece because I have been struggling to begin. It’s been hard because I will do anything in my imagination to sabotage my start of making art. I will clean my apartment, organize my bookshelves, work through stacks of paper, revise my budget, research making art, watch a documentary, work out, walk my dog, do laundry, prepare food, go out to refuel my truck, sketch the art I want to make….anything. I will procrastinate, sabotage, and halt my beginning. Here is a remote art residency I did that works around this problem.
I am not sure why, but I am working on this.
I am just on the other side of completing all six architect board exams. I studied roughly 3 hours a day, 21 hours a week, for 8-10 weeks for each pair of exams that I scheduled. Now that these exams are completed and I should be licensed in less than a month, I am trying to replace something that was exhausting with something that is fulfilling. That is, I know art is good for me and that it makes me feel good, but somehow starting is such a chore. There is this resistance and heaviness to begin. Once I am in it, I feel great. But it’s so hard for me to get to this point.
I am working on habits. Regular periods of time dedicated to making. It’s in my weekly planner. All I’m trying to do now is show up for the work. I have committed myself to this art group, so there’s also that. So I have two reasons to make: 1.) it’s scheduled, and 2.) I can’t just show up to the sessions empty-handed.